alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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