Please, let me fuck your mom
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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