i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
