does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
