Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
sex in a hospital.. check
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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