I'm going to rape someone's good day.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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