So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
