why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
