i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
