i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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