Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
