I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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