I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
he was CRYING into my vagina
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
