Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
