i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
