Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
