When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Randomize
