I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
