I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
