he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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