sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
