I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
You are a booty call, not a friend.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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