Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
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