Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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