i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
