Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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