So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Text me some of your sweat
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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