Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
