Screwed.edu
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
