you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
