So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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