I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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