her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
