I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
