I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
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