Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
