I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
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