I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
