Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
