Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
