After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Randomize
