That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I wish you could order shots online.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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