Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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