Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Farmville is her only friend.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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