They should really pass out barf bags in church
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
