id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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