Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
