I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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