Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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