And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
