What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
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